I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
I got an ant farm... them 'fellas didn't grow shit.
On a stop light green means go and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means, "where the fuck did you get that banana at?"
I saw a dude, he was wearing a leather jacket, and at the same time he was eating a hamburger and drinking a glass of milk. I said to him "Dude, you're a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don't fall asleep or I'll tip you over."
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
To suggest more comedians and their quotes, go here.
Sneakysmith12's Joke (or Murphy's Law) of the Day
Every New Year's you hear so much about the "evils of drink". I agree -- there's only one thing worse than drink -- thirst.
If anyone has any jokes they would like to suggest, please post them here.
Guild of Deals' Unused Skill of the Week
If this attack hits a foe suffering from a Deep Wound, you strike for +1...8 damage, and that foe becomes Crippled for 15 seconds.
If anyone has an Unused skill they would like to suggest, post it here.