Jokes that are lengthy or require some thought. Slightly intelligent jokes, as opposed to "Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks" or that kind of shit.
3 Men at the Gates of Heaven Edit
There are three men at the gates of Heaven.
The saint says, "Heaven is a bit crowded right now, you have to have died a gruesome death to be allowed in."
The first man says, "So I'm suspecting my wife of having an affair. I come home early one day and I don't see a man anywhere. I look on the balcony and I see a pair of fingers hanging off the edge. I immediately start whacking him with a hammer until he falls, but he landed in a bush. Then I pushed my fridge on him and he died. Of course, I then died of a heart attack."
The second man says, "I do pull-ups on my balcony, but it rained the night before and I slipped and fell. I grabbed on to my neighbor's balcony, but I couldn't get up because I thought I had broke one of my ribs. When the owner of the apartment came home, I thought 'Oh, I'm saved!' Then, he starts hitting my with a hammer! I fell, and then a fridge falls on me and I died.
The third man says, "Picture this. I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator."
Two priests Edit
Two priests are taking a piss in the men's room. One priest looks down at the other's dong and notices something weird.
"Why do you have a stop smoking patch on your dong?" he asks.
The other priest says, "It really does work, I'm down to two butts a day."
Three Nuns Edit
3 nuns are at the pearly gates, don't ask me how. There was a fire in the church, whatev. The saint at the door stops them and says, "Since you're nuns, I'll have to quiz you to test your devotion to God."
To the first nun, he asks, "Who was the first man?"
She replies: "Adam."
"Alright, you can go through."
To the second nun: "Where did he live?"
"The Garden of Eden."
"You can go through, too."
To the third nun, he pauses and says, "Oh, you're the Mother Superior (head nun). I'm going to have to ask you a more difficult question."
"What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"
The nun: "Oh, that's a hard one."
"You can go through."
The Sick ArabEdit
Do not read if you are offended by offending Arabs. An Arab decides to move from his home in Afghanistan to the USA. He lives here for a while, but after the first couple months he begins feeling very sick. After the sickness does not go away, he decides to see a doctor. The doctor suggests the sickness is just the flu, and prescribes some symptom relievers. But after taking the medicine for a couple days he does not get better. He decides to visit a second doctor. That doctor suggests he is suffering from Bronchitis. He prescribes some antibiotics but after taking these for a couple of days, he STILL does not feel better. So finally he decides to see a third doctor. This doctor was an Arab like himself.
"Doctor, I feel really sick, but its not the flu or bronchitis. Can you help me?"
The doctor thinks for a second, then makes a suggestion.
"I want you to go home and take a shit in a bucket. Then I want you to take a piss on the shit in the bucket. Then, I want you to stick your head in it for no less than 1 hour."
The Arab decides since nothing else has worked he will try this. And surprisingly, after 1 hour, he felt a whole lot better! So the Arab goes back to his doctor.
"Doctor, it worked! What was wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "Oh, you were only homesick!"
Four people on a plane Edit
There are four passengers on a plane: An Italian, a Chinese, a Mexican, and an American. The pilot says over the intercom: "We are going to experience some turbulence. The plane is too heavy, and we need you to throw some of your possessions out the window.
So the Italian throws out his pasta
The Chinese throws out his rice
The Mexican throws out his tacos
And the American throws out the Mexican.
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